How to Talk to Your Child About Anxiety Without Making It Worse
- Megan Stapelberg
- Jun 16
- 3 min read
Talking to your child about anxiety can feel like walking a tightrope. You want to support them—but you're worried that saying the wrong thing might make it worse. If you ask too many questions, you might overwhelm them. If you talk too much then it might seem that you don't want to listen to what they have to say.
The good news is that talking to kids about anxiety the right way can actually ease their worries and strengthen your connection.
Why Talking About Anxiety Matters
Children and teens don’t always have the words to explain what they’re feeling. By initiating open, judgment-free conversations, you show them that their emotions are valid and manageable. Ask open-ended questions. These kinds of questions ask for responses other than 'yes' or 'no'. An example of such a question could be: "Why don't you tell me about when the anxiety shows up for you?"
When kids feel safe to talk about their experiences of anxiety, they’re less likely to bottle it up, and more likely to ask for help when they need it.
What Not to Say to a Child Who Experiences Anxiety
Let’s start with some common phrases that, while well-meaning, can actually make a child feel dismissed or misunderstood:
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Just calm down.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Don’t be silly.”
"Just be brave."
"You've got so much to be grateful for."
These types of statements might increase shame or anxiety.
Instead, focus on validating your child’s experience and helping them understand their emotions. Consider saying the following phrases instead:
"I can see that you are going through a very tough time."
"This sounds so challenging, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this."
"I am here for you."
"I can hear that X worries you a lot."
"That sounds like a scary experience."
How to Talk to Your Child About Anxiety: 6 Helpful Tips
1. Choose the Right Time
Avoid discussing anxiety in the heat of the moment. Wait until your child is calm and more open to talking. A walk, car ride, or bedtime can offer good moments for relaxed conversations.
2. Normalise Anxiety
Let your child know that everyone feels anxious sometimes—even adults and that there is nothing wring with feeling this feeling. You might say: "Anxiety is a normal feeling that helps us stay safe, but sometimes it shows up when we don’t need it."
3. Use Age-Appropriate Language
For younger children, you can explain anxiety as “a false alarm” or “a worry bully in the brain.” For teens, help them understand how anxiety affects the body and mind.
4. Validate Their Feelings
Say things like:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“It’s okay to feel anxious—we’ll get through this together.”
Validation helps your child feel seen and safe, even when they can’t “fix” the problem right away.
5. Avoid Reassurance Loops
It’s tempting to constantly reassure your child ("You’ll be fine," "Nothing bad will happen"), but this can reinforce anxiety long-term. Instead, help them build confidence in handling uncertainty.
Example: "I know this feels scary, and you’ve handled tough things before. Let’s make a plan together."
6. Encourage Problem-Solving and Coping Skills
Teach your child how to respond to anxiety using simple tools like breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or visualizing a calm place. Practice these together, when they’re not feeling overwhelmed.
What If My Child Doesn’t Want to Talk?
Some kids, especially teens, may not be ready to open up. That’s okay. Stay present, offer small openings (“I noticed you seemed worried—want to talk about it?”), and avoid pushing. You can also model emotional openness by talking about your own feelings in age-appropriate ways.
If you feel you need further guidance in supporting your child with anxiety. Head over to my website and download a FREE Parent Guide on Supporting Your Child to Overcome Anxiety. And if you need even further guidance, I am only an email away: info@mindandheartconsulting.com
Regards,
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