Helping Your Kids Thrive, Not Just Survive, the Move Abroad.

So, you've applied for the job and you got it! You and your partner searched for a house to rent and you found one! Your boxes are packed, your kids have been enrolled in a school and your beloved pet's shipment has been arranged. You even sent out invites for your family's big farewell party before you get on that plane, say goodbye to your home country and start a new chapter abroad. But wait, have you stood still for a second to really consider your kids and the true impact that this move will have on them? If you read along, I'll share some of my common findings as a psychologist working with expat kids and teens for the past four years...

1. The sense of alienation is very real.

Depending on where you move, the chances are quite high that your child could experience intense alienation from their peers in their new country. After having worked with expat kids in the Netherlands for three years, I witnessed time and time again how these expat kids felt intensely isolated, alienated and different from their Dutch peers. The culture shock that expat kids often talk about in therapy sessions is very real, and very often they are not prepared for it at all.

2. When the fun is over after the first six weeks, reality hits.

Most expat parents describe their first six weeks in the new country as a grand adventure- a holiday of sorts. Once those six weeks pass, reality hits: They are not heading home to what was once familiar, they will probably not see their families very soon and that they have to settle into a new, usually different routine than what they have been used to.

3. Many feelings are often left unsaid.

In an attempt to soften the blow of the move and to make it an experience that is as positive as possible, many expat parents try to "sell" the move to their children as a grand adventure, which, to a certain extent it is. What is left unsaid, is how terribly alienating, lonely and isolating the experience can also be.

My intention is not to paint the expat experience as a doomy, gloomy one, but to rather paint a realistic picture: Being an expat is indeed filled with adventure, new opportunities, fun and excitement, but simultaneously it can also include experiences of loneliness, alienation, frustration and so forth. If you are a parent who is planning a big move soon, here is what I suggest you do:

1. Paint a realistic picture.

Speak with much excitement about this new chapter in your family's lives, but also talk about some expected challenges. Help your child manage their expectations, talk about what might potentially be challenging for them, so that the experience once they are abroad is a more authentic one: They can be positive on the days when being an expat is a grand adventure, and feel comfortable to feel sad on the days when home is far or when making friends is challenging.

2. Prepare them for the move.

Make sure your children get ample opportunities to say goodbye to all the people who matter at home. Take a look at pictures online of their new school, home and neigbourhood. Watch YouTube videos about their new country, exploring what it will look like. Don't make promises you cannot keep: They won't necessarily make friends easily, they won't necessarily hardly ever miss home. Rather focus on words of encouragement: "We'll take things one day at a time and trust that you'll make the right friends." or, "Some days might be hard as home will be far away, but on those days we'll make sure to support each other even more."

Are you and your family moving abroad soon and do you feel you have adequately prepared your kids or teens for the move? Why not let me help you to facilitate the softest landing possible by staying in-tune with their feelings? Why not let me help them with this transition so that they remain calm, connected and confident as expats? Book a Discovery Call if you'd like to learn more about my services.

Warm regards,

Megan